so Im out with this guy, I really like him and have for a while, like as in a long while... 2 years-ish! We dated in the past but we arent now...and he keeps looking at me, you know the look of intensity that you get before you kiss or someone kisses you.
Its just there, in his beautiful brown hazely eyes that i get lost, I feel super special and then absolutely idiotic! Then after the moment fades and I take a breath or a step back, even if I just look to the side, I feel my face get hot and then I have to seriously curse myself under my breath!
Jeeze, Calm your self (self)! Its frustrating not knowing what he's thinking... I think thats why books like twilight are such a big hit, the characters dont know what the other characters are thinking apart from edward, but he cant read bellas thoughts, but you as a reader know them... thats why its exciting, you have the ability to know or gauge whats coming up and you can get excited about it, pick a home team and root away!
I on the other hand live in the real world and I am wracked with unbelieveable frustration... I wish he would either stop looking at me like that with that most handsome smile, or he would just do something else already.
yikes, look at me im like some pathetic 5th grader writing in her diary... dear diary, i like this boy, yada yada!
So, I fucked Abel again, but this time I liked it. He really is sweet and last time was laaaaaaame. I should thank him really. Yeah yeah he got some but so did i.
As I like to quote from myself...
"Well that was an adventure, and I feel much, much better! Its almost like hes my outlet for affection without obligation to say those three scary words."
So, I guess Im really lucky. Chances are I wont get tired of him if I dont see him all the time, and I get to be complimented and cuddled and blah blah blah. I do feel bad for him tho, I cant believe a guy from AZ who went to iraq could come back and not have atleast fans, or crushes. :) like I said, Im a lucky one!
ok so i started about 8 months ago and im already tired of it. The high school run of the mill crapola is getting old. Im tired of everyone talking crap about everyone else, Im done with the antics... who cares if someone doesnt like you. This is a job.
They pay you to do it... Sure its hard and I dig thru piles of crappy clothes all day. Atleast I got some cute stuff for uber cheap! And Yes, it helps control my shop-a-holic outbursts, but i dont get paid enough to be abused or belittled.
I make $7.65 an hour and thats after my 40 cent raise about a month ago. And I work about 29 hours a week average, and now my hours are getting cut because we arent making the money, which is laaaaame...
I mean come on ppl the economy sucks, come buy our cheap stuff...
hah the hard part tho is that even tho im sick of it and i get paid crap... at least i have a job, and anything i look into now is going to suck too.
Oh, atleast im going to be putting all my tax info and stuff into my fafsa tues... or so i hope :)
Why do I see the world in the way I do? I was driving down the block the other night and saw a couple walking and holding hands... as Im driving I cant help but reflect on the last time I held hands with a former lover... yeah, that was a long time ago... years even.
so Im thinking wow I would love to hold hands and walk around with someone and the someone I pictured wasnt who Im with. Awful I know.
Ive been in this relationship for 4 years off and on. Im so sick of it, but I love her. Id miss her. But Id be better off... or would I? I dont like the fact that she lies and hurts me, I try not to do those things to her but she doesnt care. She says she loves me and get upset when I dont say it back, but I dont like to lie. Why tell some one you love them when you dont mean it? Thats a big word with a million meanings, why does she want me to throw it out at her? She knows I dont say it if I dont mean it...
Anyway, I want to fall in love again, and I cant do that with her, but right now... I just cant leave.
